Up Yours Ben Franklin
Last week I had a dream that every boy I've ever had a crush on was marching in a straight line to Canada to get cheapo Lasik surgery and thus ditching their hottie mchothot glasses forever. In the middle of the dream Ben Franklin kind of floated up from nowhere and said with a smug grin, "I'm Ben Franklin. I invented the bifocal and even I'm going to Canada for Lasik." And then he laughed. That motherfuckin forefather laughed directly in my face. I had the same dream again last night and both times I woke up with my jaw clenched in anger at both Canada and Ben Franklin. As far as I can tell, boys in glasses are our nation's number one natural resource.