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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Project Badass Part V: Have Faith

I'm back! After a whirlwind three weeks that included winning an award, traveling 800 miles to claim it, then returning to Chicago only to immediately total my car and kick off what's bound to be a very long and torrid relationship with an auto insurance agent named Christine, I'm actually beginning to settle back into my otherwise uneventful life of eating ice cream and telling the dog she's pretty*. One of the biggest changes that's happened in the past few months is that I started seeing this dude who seems to fit my description of the Ultimate Dating Champion:

* Cooks: Check
* Dances: Check
* Can fight with nunchucks: Check
* Owns and plays the keytar: Check
* Described himself apropos of nothing on our first date as "a guy who's into engineering and punk rock and X-men:" Check times a million oh my god swoooooooon
* Looked me directly in the eye and said "You are fantastic" after I played him Blue 38 by this group: Check

Basically, we can skip everything above the last one. Nunchuck knowledge or not, any time you play a song whose chorus involves the words "finger" and "doodyhole" and your date doesn't immediately walk out, you can pack things up. You've found yourself a winner.

The dating thing - scratch that - the trusting thing is exciting and terrifying at the same time. When the boyfriend of 9 years split, I felt like this enormous part of me somehow rotted and fell off. Not the part that loves, the part that knows that as painful as the ending of the last thing was, it was worth it. The whole damn thing. And opening up all over again is also worth it, even if everyone involved gives it their all and it still shatters into 1 million painful shards, leaving both parties with a box full of pictures they can't look at and CDs that make them viscerally ill. Even then, maybe especially then, the whole thing was worth it. I don't know what you call that part, faith? If so, it's not faith in a new person as much as faith in the grander scheme - that even the tiniest step towards peacefully letting go and leaping blindly into an unknown future is more powerful than all of the epic break-ups in all of the world. That kind of faith is bigger than any boy.

So while the new guy does make me giggle and blush every time he says things like "I would like to take you on a date to the museum of surgery and medical oddity," a huge part of my recent happiness is just knowing that I'm still able to turn pink and laugh wildly, having no idea how this adventure will turn out.


* Ok fine, not just pretty, beautiful. Like a beautiful, furry-footed princess**.
** I only call her a furry-footed princess sometimes***.
*** That sometimes is more frequent than I would like to admit.


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