A few weeks ago, I got tagged by this site
, but honestly I've been too busy doing very important things like acting unforgivably awkward and watching embarrassingly bad movies (including this
*) to write self-indulgent rants to a creepily anonymous internet community. That being said, here are the five reasons I blog** although it's really only two reasons and three Kimmy Gibbler
quotes I pulled from my niece's Full House DVDs followed by some ill-placed footnotes. I'm exhausted and have a wicked cold. Cheers.
Reason #1. I started this site because I moved to a foreign country and wanted a way to keep in contact with people that, you know, spoke my native language and didn't hate me for not knowing ridiculous things like "There will be a strike at least four days a week" and "never ever rely on mass transit to get you anywhere." I wanted to tell my 5 or so friends back home about what was going on in France in a way that didn't inundate their inboxes***, so I started writing things down on the internet. Then I started getting random e-mails from random strangers. I sincerely love getting random e-mail from strangers. Here's a chart that shows exactly how much I love e-mail from random strangers:
Click for larger view
#2. I hate making friends. I'm really bad at it, mainly because I get all nervous and sweaty-like, thinking I'm probably saying all of the wrong things to the potential new friend (PNF). As a result, I actually do wind up saying all the wrong things to the PNF (example here
) and more often than not go home feeling like this
. (On a sidenote, I think there's probably a special place in hell for people who compare their social awkwardness to crying kids found on child poverty web sites). I have this web site so I can cling to the awesome friends I already have and hopefully won't have to bother with the awkward process of making new ones. As my grandmother says, "I just don't care for that
#3. This weekend I'm going to the landfill with my pop to shoot rats.
#4. Ham again? I've been eating your lunch for three days DJ and it's been ham. Did your dad hit a pig with his car?
#5. D.J., they wear lipstick! They can call me anything they want!
Tags: To steal a line from Brandon
, "memes come here to die."
* Just before I watched this movie, I leaned over to my bad movie watching buddy and said "All I want to see is someone explode and an assload of worms pour out." Dreams can come true people.
** The word 'blog' should never be used as a verb. I feel like if you commit that crime enough times, society should throw you to a den of rabid bears, no questions asked. Other words that also shouldn't be used as verbs include "summer," "bone," and "concept." You might want to write that down...you know, as bear protection.
*** Why isn't the word 'inbox' used more often as a euphemism for the vagina? Or is it and I'm just behind on my euphemisms? Also whatever happened to Don Rickles? Is that guy dead or what?