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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Dance, Dance Evolution

If you didn't groan at the title of this post, we should go out...seriously.

I've said it before (several times) and I'll say it again (in an annoyingly authoritative tone) - New York is the king of all things weird. There is an unending amount of weird things hiding amongst the city's permascowled citizens and Jewish delis. On Thursday, Leah and I went to SoHo with the intent of shopping for girly things. Instead, we stumbled across this place. It's the only taxidermy shop in Manhattan (score!). Finding it was like being handed the holy grail of weird. I fell in love with this store upon setting foot in the door. Then again, it's hard not to swoon when the very first thing you see is a wall of human skulls. See:

That dizzy feeling you have? It's your heart letting you know that the world is full of hope and beauty and promises and love. I wouldn't be doing The Evolution Store justice if I didn't tell you that they also carry a taxidermied baboon-type animal perched on a rock holding a human skull in it's claw. I should have taken a picture of that too, but it was hidden on a second floor enclave that was manned by some dude with a copious amount of hair product and frankly, urban taxidermy store attendants with impeccable hair frighten me.

They also sell these:

That's a replica of a tooth from a Sabertooth Cat. Back in the day these were apparently "used to stab its victim and to rip it into shreds." This is the kind of thing that simply begs to be put on a sweet-ass nylon cord, paired with this, and worn around incessantly by a sweaty middle school kid who smells like farts and listens to a lot of They Might Be Giants.

We also found a basket of these:

These are listed in the "Gifts" section of the store's web site. I love the idea that not only does the store literally have a basket full of raccoon penis bones (and more), but also that they've assigned a price of a mere $6 to each bone. I like to think that somewhere, someone sleeps well at night knowing that his store has mercilessly undercut the competition in the raccoon penis bone market. In my version of Pit, that's exactly what players will strive to do.

I came very close to buying an animal boner "baculum" for my mother since Mother's Day, like Boyfriend Season, is right around the corner! When I told her of my plan and how it was foiled upon the realization that I had no way to transport something so fragile across state lines, she just rolled her eyes and said, "God, just try to be original. Everyone always gives their mom the shaft for Mother's Day." It's funny because it's true...inappropriately, uncomfortably true.


At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh i did groan, so you'll have to keep on the lookout this boyfriend season. wait, summer isn't even boyfriend season.
nice gratuitous link to (and from)your own blog.
puns?? come on, money!

At 9:57 AM, Anonymous frank said...

i think those are more of a stocking stuffer item...

At 11:46 AM, Blogger O'Donovan said...

I love your mother.

At 6:44 PM, Blogger Analyst Catalyst said...

I came close to smiling at the title. I didn't quite smile, but it was close.

At 10:54 PM, Blogger superdeens said...

I got really excited because I thought you were going to talk about your dance moves, but I guess raccoon penises are ok, too.


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