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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Friday, February 16, 2007

Mount Gushmore

As previously stated, I LOVE Valentine's Day. I love it specifically because it's the Mount Rushmore of holidays - it's completely arbitrary, doesn't make any sense whatsoever and is maybe the most unnatural and gaudy thing one can do to a relationship. It's simply fantastic. When I see a photo of Mount Rushmore, all I imagine is mankind standing with a chisel in his hand and a twinkle in his eye thinking to himself "hey, lick my balls Mother Nature. I'm gonna carve some giant fucking faces in that mountain over there JUST BECAUSE I CAN." Valentine's day is the same way. It's one of the few holidays that commemorates absolutely nothing. It's arbitrarily placed in one of the coldest, dreariest and arguably most unromantic months of the year. It's a holiday of choice that defies all logic which, to me, makes it more meaningful than holidays where my extended family forces themselves in close quarters because it's - choose your own adventure here - Christ's birthday, Christ's resurrection day, someone else's birth/resurrection day, Thankgiving, Independence Day, Tuesday.

My favorite part of Valentine's Day is the retail orgasm of all things useless and tacky that happens one time a year. Things you'd normally find at the cheapest, truck stop gift shop in nowheresville, Georgia are tied with a pink ribbon and somehow work their way onto shelves at once respectable stores. This year, my two favorite V-day romance enhancers were these enormous engraved matches one can do absolutely nothing with and the Smitten, a gift that warms both the hands and the heart. Knowing about the Smitten, I was pretty convinced that V-day couldn't get any more romantic until yesterday when I discovered that my local grocer sells heart-shaped hamburger patties...discounted if you buy them the day after Valentine's day. Classy! Last night a (platonic) friend came over for post-V-day-discounted-love-themed-meat-night and gave me this:


for no reason other than he knew it would make me smile from ear to ear. It's not exactly romantic, but it's definitely from the heart.

1 Comments:

At 9:30 AM, Anonymous jamie said...

I especially like the part from Killer Clowns from Outer Space when the boy and girl find all of the people in the spaceship hung up in eerie space-ship like cocoons for food on the way home for the Killer Clowns.

Wait... no I should never admit to having seen this movie.

Nevermind, that must have been On Golden Pond I was thinking about.

Hope you had a nice Heart-shaped hamburger!

 

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