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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Open Letter

Dear Creepy Drunk Guy Who Insisted on Coming Over to My Table While I Was Editing Things:

First off, thanks for hitting on me. I get hit on fairly rarely and frankly, when it does happen, it makes me feel like this. While the idea was good in theory, the execution, unfortunately, was not so good. I'm saying this specifically because my interactions with people are typically awful (e.g. here, here, here, ad infinitum). I believe that by helping fellow awkward kids out, we can both become more socially graceful people. Here are some things you really didn't need to say:

* "My friends and I figure, you're what? 19? I'm 28. We should go out."
* "I've been drunk for three days now. I guess you could say I'm on a bender."
* "I'm 28. I have three years of college to go. I just can't seem to pass my freshman year."
* "Do you think I'll be able to get a job after I graduate? Because, you know, that would be cool and stuff."
* "Do you want to go to a movie with me sometime? No? Do you want to just make out instead?"
* "Closer was one of the best movies I've ever seen."

I can forgive everything except for that last line. There's simply no excuse for that one.

Through the incredibly uncomfortable conversation you and I had as well as the equally uncomfortable conversations I had with your friends who also came to my table to vouch for your niceness AND the uber-slimey hug you insisted on giving me as I left, I realized that my own awkwardness probably isn't as bad as I think. Here's to you Creepy Drunk Guy. May you make every woman feel so good about herself.

XO,

---Chris---

5 Comments:

At 2:20 AM, Anonymous starlet said...

omg that just described like pretty much every night of my life.

 
At 9:25 AM, Anonymous frank said...

that's why i don't hit on women, i always feel like an idiot. from now on though, i'll keep this story in mind and realize that as awkward as I am i'm still not as bad as that dude. thanks.

 
At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's pretty damm funny... but more importantly, Brandon Rogers is slated to make a guest post on your blog?? That is so awesome!! as g-a-y as it sounds, i have a slight man crush on him. (i need to stop repeating that)

great blog, love to read your writing.

j

 
At 5:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes. 'closer' is a shitty, shitty film. that dude sounded like a dude i live next to named 'bradford'. poor guy. he's a hopeless douche.

// hulk hogan

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Chris said...

J in Ric - Everyone has a man crush on Brandon Rogers. Even I have a man crush on Brandon Rogers. I think that Brandon inspires man crushes the way that Helen of Troy launches ships. Don't feel embarrassed about succumbing to his ways.

 

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