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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

My Kind of Bro

As of Saturday, I hadn't done anything head-turningly awkward in, I don't know, three maybe four days. That's basically a record for me. In my head, I was totally doing the "I'm cool enough to hang with the rest of the human race" dance, which looks a lot like Make Love To the Crowd, only with more hip action. Ok, fine, a lot more hip action.

On Saturday, I met Shaun and his lovely girlfriend (both featured here mid T-Rex impersonation) at a friend's party where I found myself talking to some dude who kept reaching over my head to ask his 'bro' behind me if he saw 'that fuckin play man' which apparently was happening on the television a few feet away. The conversation was short and mainly punctuated by the guy saying 'yeah, I always wanted...' in response to whatever I was talking about in between 'fuckin sa-weet' plays made by whatever sports team was on TV. Examples include "You live downtown? yeah, I always wanted to live downtown" and "You work from home? yeah, I've always wanted to work from home" and so on. When he asked about what I do for fun, I came very close to saying 'menstruating' just to see if that too would garner a 'yeah, I always wanted to...' response. I didn't do that though, because I'm no fun at all. Instead, I just started thinking about all of the things I've always wanted to do and how if I don't start doing them soon I'll never actually do them. I kind of got lost in my head enumerating trips I've yet to take and books I've yet to read, when conversation switched around to travel and the guy said to me, "yeah, I've always wanted to see France," I piped up immediately with "I've always wanted to see an inmate rodeo." If you ever want to stop a conversation dead in its tracks, throw out the words inmate rodeo. They're like the A-bomb of open dialogue.

Knowing conversation was basically dead, I made my way across the room to my safe zone of Shaun and his lovely girlfriend. I sat down on the couch, mentally exasperated with myself, and before I could even relay what had just happened, Shaun looked at me and said, "I toured a school bus factory once. It was awesome." I laughed to myself and thought, This is my kind of bro.


At 4:28 AM, Blogger David said...

Well, if it was Saturday night, and his attention was only periodically interrupted, it's likely that he was watching football of the college variety. Assuming that you were at the party fairly early, it is also very likely he was watching the Florida-Arkansas game, which--the circumstances of my undergraduate biases notwishstanding--really was 'fucking sa-weet'. Go Gators.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger muse said...

"I'm no fun at all"

Of course you know this is a total lie, right? You are _so_ my hero. I wish I were half as witty as you are or wrote half as well as you do! :)

Ahhh, if only you lived nearby, I'd hound you until you were my Real Life Friend. And I'd bring you with me and Kuli to that sleazy drag queen cabaret to watch local sci-fi/animation short flicks and fight off drunken hobos and squeegee kids on the way out... *wistful sigh*


At 10:40 AM, Blogger Chris said...

Oh my god that would be my heaven minus, you know, the hobo fights.

At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 10:08 AM, Blogger Greg said...

Inmate rodeo... hmmm... I have GOT to use that phrase today!!

At 12:30 PM, Anonymous C. Daniel said...

I generally find myself laughing at your posts - genuine, verbal laughter (not the inside gentle-chuckle-of-the-heart type). I don't have a clue who you are or how I found your blog - probably from another of those Richmond blogs I read, but that doesn't matter. You're funny. There. I said it.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Thanks C. Daniel. You're a kind soul.

At 1:28 PM, Anonymous monocerdo said...

"They're like the A-bomb of open dialogue."

Pearls like that are what make me wish we were real-life friends.


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