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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Come Here Often?

Today while hanging out in my neighborhood dog park, a boy approached me and used the line "So...come here often?" Lacking all of the following:

* Social skillz
* The ability to maintain a straight face when people say lame things
* Fashion sense

I had no idea how to answer. After an inappropriately long pause, I said, "Um...well...I come here when my dog needs to run around I guess. [long, long silent pause here] I don't have a back yard, so I come here as often as not having a back yard necessitates..."

At this point, I'm way nervous that I've used the word 'necessitates' but instead of stopping while I only sound sort of like a nerd, I just keep going:

"I mean, I don't know, I come here in direct proportion to the exercise needs of my dog."

Jesus Christ on a bike! The only way this answer could be more awkward, verbose, or scream YOU ARE DEALING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS RECENTLY SINGLE AND HAS NO IDEA HOW TO INTERACT WITH BOYS OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!!!! would be if I had actually pulled out a calculator and graphed the answer for him. You can see from these line graphs that dog park frequentage correlates directly with pet energy level.

After I answered, we sat in a very uncomfortable ten minute silence until I took my dog and my silver-tongued charm home. This is what it feels like to sit at the catsup-eating, D&D-playing lunch table of life.


At 12:49 PM, Blogger i heart dorks said...

You may already know the perfect guy for you. And I'm not talking about dating - I'm talking about joining together to form the most powerful force of awkward the Mid-Atlantic region has ever seen!!

At 3:05 PM, Blogger muse said...



We're in the same boat, girl! ;)

I'm going on my first date in almost 9 years tomorrow. Let the "how disastrous it's going to be" betting begin!

At 5:43 PM, Blogger ducklet said...

you know, i sort of skimmed over the 'i can't be your significant other' comment several posts back, so i'm not sure if i knew that you were single. i wish i had known. because although i've never actually 'set anyone up' on a 'crash course towards sexual bliss' i'm sure i could 'give it the old college try.'

what i'm saying is that i bet i could use the power of my blog to find you meaningless intercourse that somehow turns into a monster-truck themed wedding.

At 6:45 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Monster truck themed wedding - be still my beating heart.

At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Incognito said...

Ha! I just did basically the same thing over email. I made a literary joke, and based on her curt response, I doubt she got it.

At 10:32 PM, Anonymous Molly's BF said...

I used to play D&D. Well, mostly I played Call of Kathulu, but D&D is cool, too.

At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Rhea said...

Awkward, yet exhilarating.


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