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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Sunday, August 13, 2006

A List of People Who Should Not Have Attended the Dave Chappelle show, But Did Anyway

1. The guys who did not read the slip of paper that was passed out before the show that read in very bold print "PLEASE DO NOT HECKLE."

Yeah man, I know that after the show, when you're sitting around drinking Keystone Lite with your "dudes" Brad and Dru [sic] (who unfortunately couldn't make it to the show themselves because seriously they have another court appointment in the morning and if they're not there on time their moms might kick them out of the basement), they probably will say that yelling the word PUSSY at the top of your lungs every time the person on stage takes a breather probably was "pretty fuckin sweet," but for the rest of us, that's obnoxious. On the obnoxious scale, that ranks somewhere between the painfully obnoxious popped collar you're sporting and the blindingly obnoxious fact that every time you yell something, you slap your popped collar-clad bro as if to say Did you hear that one? That was all me bro! Brooooooooooooo.

2. White people who mistakenly believe that seeing a comedian of color brings them closer to the Black community.

It doesn't. If you're a white guy who bought a ticket to see Dave Chappelle, it doesn't mean you're blacker and it damn well doesn't make it ok for you to refer to whoever is on the other end of your cell phone call as "your nigga" as you walk out of the show and to your car. I don't know what my feelings are regarding whether or not the n-word should be co-opted by anyone, but I do know that when spoken by a white guy in unlaced shoes carrying a wallet chain it's a strong indicator that he's an pure-bred asshat.

3. People who walked out when Dave Chappelle waxed comedic about the vagina.

It's strange to see people who have sat through an (awesome) hour of talk about drugs and fights in which the words 'fuck' and 'nigga' were used a copious amount, get all in a huff once someone starts talking about crotch sniffing. That's like saying you hate Mary Kate, but loooooove Ashley. They're equal evils people, they're equal evils.

Other than that, Dave Chappelle was kickass and as the night wore on, he just got more kickass and my town just got more belligerent, irrelevant, and overall douchie. This is why we can't have nice things Richmond.


At 8:59 AM, Blogger AJ said...

People walked out of the Dave Chappelle show at JMU when he started talking about vaginas also. I guess some of you Virginians just aren't ready to hear about the wonders of the beautiful ladyflower.

At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you saw Dave Chappelle???!!!!

that's messed up to talk shit about those adorable billianairettes. that's as gauche as saying jesus was an asshole.

how did you get tix to Dave Chappelle? wtf!!!

also, if, hypothetically speaking, one were to google your name all but 1 of the links are you. that's pretty f-ing cool.

maybe it's naive, but if THEY can say nigga, why can't I say it? i'm all for equality.

At 11:11 PM, Anonymous Jeff said...

I can imagine cringing when someone is talking about vaginas - I still hate walking through the tampon aisle - but can't imagine walking out.

As far as objecting to white guys saying 'nigga', I'm afraid you have to conceded defeat. It's part of the lexicon now and no PC posturing is going to do a damn thing about it, yo.

What I want to do is learn how to cock my head like latinos and say 'nuh uh' so I can whitewash that ethnic expression.


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