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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Friday, July 28, 2006

They say money can't buy happiness...well not directly. What money can buy is a boatload of burritos which, in my world, is pretty much the exact same thing as happiness. Those of us who don't have the money or chutzpah to buy 52 specialty burritos (each the size of an infant) are forced to find our happiness in other ways, mainly by sleeping outside of the restaurant in order to win 52 specialty burritos (each the size of an infant). Thursday morning, California Tortilla offered free burritos for a year to the first ten people in their store. My friend Colin (featured here, this is kind of how everyone felt in the morning) put it best, "This is, like, the best deal in the world."

Indeed it was, like, the best deal in the world, not only because of the copious amounts of burritoage, but also because promotions that involve crazy-ass things like camping out in front of a pseudo-Mexican restaurant draw in a very particular segment of the population, namely those who aren't afraid to rock out all through the night. And rock out we did. There were six of us hardcore enough to spend the night at California Tortilla, excluding the extra hardcore four year old and the dog that stayed too. I ended up spending the first part of the night playing with Abby (featured here):

Unlike the photo would suggest, Abby wasn't high at all and I didn't do blow and grease up my eyebrows before this picture was taken. Most of my other pictures of Abby unfortunately involve her crack and I figured that her awesome parents, both of whom stayed all night, would probably not appreciate that being featured on the world wide web. Joining Abby and I in thrilling games such as "Name the Letter" and "List Your Favorite Spongebob Character" (both of which Abby was much better at than myself) was Brodie (looking stately and slightly pig-faced here):

Besides myself, Colin, Brodie, and Abby, Abby's parents as well as two recent law school grads were all up in California Tortilla's outside patio throughout the night. A couple of things I didn't plan on in the whole camping for free food thing included:

* Hearing the greatest rotten wedding story ever. Seriously, it involved a secret ceremony, drama, angst, pain, deceit, a lot of rudeness, and general mayhem. Minus a torrid sex scene, it had all of the basic elements of a blockbuster film.

* Earning the nickname Aidsface...as in the terrifying disease...on your face. The story behind Aidsface is a long one, probably worthy of its own blog entry, that involves Myspace, Michael Vick, and being really really exhausted.

* Having a wireless internet connection. This proved pretty valuable since Wendy, Abby's mom, makes what sounds like a pretty decent amount of money selling lego pieces online and winning online sweepstakes (seriously). I feel like my job is pretty cool most of the time because I get to do things like travel and interview interesting people, but seriously, being a professional winner of things sounds like a sweeter deal.

* The presence of beer, free salads, nintendo ds, a friendly dog, cookies, books, sleeping bags, ideal weather, and an iPod stereo. I've been to several carnivals that had fewer attractions.

* The burden/opportunity to urinate in a median strip at 3:30AM in between a couple of trees. Considering how badly I had to go, this seemed like a really great idea until halfway through when the sprinklers came on.

* Meeting Pam and Andy (I think his name is Andy at least). They're the people who run California Tortilla. All I really know about them is that they're very nice, Pam has intimidatingly toned legs, and I kind of felt like I was meeting celebrities since they're both featured on the store's signature chipotle sauce bottle:

When all was said and done and Colin and I had our FREE BURRITOS FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR, it felt like this:

Night well spent Aidsface, Night well spent.


At 3:20 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

A boatload of burritos! This is exactly the type of thing that Canada is missing.

At 6:29 PM, Anonymous Smoove D said...

Awesome! I would totally camp out for 52 burritos. The small yappy dog would annoy the hell out of me though.

At 8:45 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I feel you on the yappy thing, but Brodie was ridiculously well behaved and not yappy at all. I'm pretty sure most if not all of my relatives have worse manners than that dog.

At 9:41 PM, Anonymous Wendy said...

Chris (aka aidsface) - love the picture of Abby, though she does look totally stoned! The night of the free burritos was a great one! I'll say it again...your blog is incredible and is keeping me laughing. Jim, Abby and I were so enamored with Brodie that we went out today and got a black pug we have named Mooby (after the restaurant in Clerks 2). If she's anywhere near as special as Brodie we will be blessed! Hope we can get together sometime for ... burritos maybe??? Thanks for making a night with no sleep really enjoyable, Aidsface!

At 1:23 PM, Anonymous Jim said...

Chris-I saw this and I thought it would go well with your link to "The Human Orchestra"


At 2:50 PM, Anonymous Rhea said...

Congratulations! I lived vicariously through your story. What a deal!

At 6:19 PM, Blogger Orange said...

If you got any luckier, you'd be pregnant! If we visit, do Megan and I get to cash in on your free burritos too?

At 12:29 AM, Blogger Chris said...

We'll work something out Orange.


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