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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Take Back Everything

If you people are anything at all like me then you A) have trouble reaching anything in top cabinents and B) have a strong tendency to say things without really thinking them through. When you write things down, you can kind of look at the words and think to yourself, "man, that's way dumb" and if you're writing in pencil (as our elementary school teachers rightfully made us do), you can simply erase and change your sentence to something less dumb. That unfortunately doesn't work in real-life conversation and as a result, I often times find myself thinking things like "what in hell possessed you to ask the fat lady when she was due?" and "How many times do I have to tell you, don't call everyone with a short haircut 'sir?'"

That being said, I should have known a long time ago that the boyfriend was a keeper when, during the first in-depth conversation we ever had, I said, "Man, Veronica is a name for a slutty girl. I mean, who's named Veronica now anyways? High-priced whores, that's who" and he simply countered with, "Veronica is my mother's name." I can't remember why I was talking about whores, high-priced or otherwise, with someone I had never really spoken to before, but the lesson to be learned here is this: If someone wants to date you after you've called their mother a whore, you know they're playing for keeps.

[SIDENOTE: Speaking of whores, today I read a press release about an upcoming book on Paris Hilton in which "Paris' Chihuahua Tinkerbell makes a contribution too, sharing pages from her own secret diary." Thank YOU Touchstone/Fireside Titles.]

Mothers, whores, and squirrel-like dogs notwithstanding, I got offered a decent-sized freelance job, so I ended up taking that instead of the real-world job and now I'm sitting at home, pantsless as usual, eating ice cream from a bowl sitting on my stomach and wondering if I'm an idiot. If you're not wearing pants and wondering if you're a moron, chances are, you are. Cheerier things tomorrow. Je promesse.


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