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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Which one of these doesn't belong?

A) Inside the Actor's Studio: Kevin Spacey
B) Inside the Actor's Studio: Charlize Theron
C) Inside the Actor's Studio: Jack Nicholson
D) Inside the Actor's Studio: Jennifer Lopez

Here is documented proof that James Lipton is a pasty, bloated brick of steaming hot poo. This may very well be the most blatant illustration of the mediocre parading as the great I've ever encountered. For tonight's television-watching extravaganza, it's a choice between this, Britney's Most Shocking Outfits (already watched Britney's Most Shocking Moments which shockingly featured the same band of impotent blowhards), or a surgery on The Learning Channel in which a severely disfigured man undergoes a procedure to have a port wine stain birthmark removed from his face. I'm consciously choosing J.Lo (who claims she didn't name herself that, in case any of you were wondering) because my capacity for intaking sad things is finite, whereas my capacity for watching the freak parade is endless.

For the past period of time, I've felt like nothing good is happening, only bad and strange. I say 'period of time,' because I'm not sure when exactly I began feeling this way. For every positive story I read, there's 20 on pain, heartache, devastation, hunger, poverty, rape, disease, pollution, hatred, danger, fear, divorce, underfunding, overpopulation, accidents, death, lies, crime, drugs, carelessness, guilt, greed, envy, desecration, stupidity, and just general unfortunate circumstance - none of which, you have the power to change or even forget. It's depressing and it makes me want to hole up in an isolated, overly wealthy community, focus on those with better bodies, better bank accounts, better beings, and simply become fat. (I say all this currently eating both a handful of peanut M&Ms and my third sugar cookie while watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Dian Perkinson - The Price is Right model who did Playboy). Welcome to the American dream.


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