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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A Post In Which I Realize Only After the Fact That This is More Losery Than Posting Pictures Of Your Pet

Every year the boyfriend and I search far and wide for THE worst Christmas decoration we can possibly find. The decoration can't just be ordinarily bad, it has to be awful, so awful and so nonsensical that it calls out to us, yearning for a spot in our horrifically tacky decorations collection. The goal is to one day accumulate enough decorations that we can have a tree full of hilarious/absurd decorations from throughout the years. It's really a celebration of our humor.

The search for the worst holiday decoration is one of my favorite Christmas rituals. Past winners include:

Bust of Emperor Ludwig I of Bavaria (purchased in Belgium) (2001)

Cardinal Riding Duck Riding Pig Riding Weathervane (2002)

Crystal Angel Holding Phallic Candle (2003)

and Horrifying Ice Cube Smiling Creepily While Calipers Lobotomize Him (Or Her) (2004)

This year's hunt was long and hard, but yesterday we found the most perfectly awful decoration of 2005. The bottom of the statue reads "Highland Fling," but we like to call it "Sweet Son of Zeus Why Is There A Topless Snowman With A Fiery Mullet-Mohawk Dancing A Jig As A Confused Pajama-Clad Man Looks On? Who Thought That Would Be A Good Idea? We HAVE To Buy That! Buy It Right Now In The Name Of All That Is Holy And Good!!!!!!" (2005)

You can't see it from this picture, but the long, manly mane extends down the snowman's frigid back and flows into the wind behind him. This may be the closest I ever come to seeing God.


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