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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sometimes Justice Is A Baseball Bat

I don't know how many of you have the luxury/horribly lonely situation of working directly from your own home, but those of you who do probably already know about the fantastically trashy bastion of courtroom reality show goodness that is Eye For An Eye. The basic premise of Eye For An Eye is simple: Two parties bring their legal disputes to the courtroom of Judge Extreme Akim who hears both sides of the case and dispenses a fair and vengeful creative punishment using the Bat of Justice pictured here:

I'm not sure if it was the fact that the program is produced by National Lampoon's, the fact that Kato Kaelin is the host, or the fact that last time I saw this program I witnessed two African American women cover each other in maple syrup in a wrestling ring before pillow fighting and as soon as I viewed said black women covered in what looked like something strikingly close to tar and feathers, I felt very VERY uncomfortable...whatever the reason, I do know that when I watch Eye For An Eye, I feel a certain peace knowing that somewhere problems are getting solved, even if it is with the aid of a baseball bat with the word "JUSTICE" stenciled on.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always give you the benefit of a wise, learn-ed sage like Extreme Akim to resolve your problems. Instead you must rely on your inner bat of justice (lower case) to help you work through difficulties. Recently I've been feeling a complete lack of purpose which is only a productive thing if you're in an angsty indie rock band (indie chicks LOVE tattoos and purposelessness). Otherwise, it's just lame and takes a backseat to people with real issues like poverty and illiteracy and sweat gland problems. Still every time I pass someone on the street who looks even a little pulled together, I can't help but wonder if they secretly know what they're supposed to be doing in life. Maybe they got the existential memo I missed and I actually am the only human being on earth who wanders around feeling teenager-level confused. (This is the point where someone offers me a crazy road trip to an unknown destination and on the way we meet boys and try on a bunch of outfits and learn a little bit about life, and a lot about ourselves).

Through this time of fear and uncertainty, I do know that I can always rely on the good judge, a baseball bat, and a full hour of problem-solvin entertainment delivered every single day. Sometimes it's the little things that count.


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