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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Weirdly Wonderful

No place on earth has more awesomely bad things than the United States. Go ahead, search the world. I bet each and every one of you that you'll never be able to find three things as awesomely bad as an inmate rodeo, a drivable hot dog, and a corn palace all within the borders of one tackily delightful place anywhere else. The U.S. is the alpha and the omega of the absurd, putting all other countries to shame with its freestyle canine dance competitions and Museum of Menstruation.

In our little state of Virginia, the birthplace of America, there's one very special time of year when you can see everything from bearded ladies to lawnmower races...The State Fair. The state fair is 10 days of everything I love about rural America. It's big. It's pseudo-trashy. And it's chock full of cultural things you can't find anywhere else in the entire universe. Where else can you go to find racing hogs? Fiddlin contests? Demolition derbies? Or Agricadabra, a show that "captures all the magic of agriculture?" When was the last time you did anything that captured all the magic of agriculture? As if that wasn't enough to wet your country-lovin palate, this year's state fair will feature something never before featured in a Virginia-based fair: a Superchicken.

Nobody seems to know whether Superchicken is simply a freakishly large chicken or a man in a chicken suit who helps pass on the magic of agriculture to ignorant young adults who are far too old to be attending Agricadabra. I imagine Superchicken to look something like this:

The real Superchicken probably won't get shot by local authorities and probably won't have human blood dripping from its beak as my depiction suggests, but you never know. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter whether it's a grotesquely large fowl or a stoned high school student under those feathers. One fact remains: as long as this state still has steer wrestling and the annual Open Beef Competition, Virginia will always have a piece of my heart.


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