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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Friday, April 01, 2005

Open Letters to Some People On My Mind

Letter #1:
Dear whoever found this site by googling "women from excitebike nude:"

I don't know you, but I imagine you're the kind of guy who only listens to 'emocore' and owns at least one shirt featuring a metal snake biting the head off a baby rhino or something equally bizarre. Hope you found what you were looking for somewhere on the infinite web. Drop a comment next time.



Letter #2:
Dear honeymooning couple my boyfriend met at an airport and invited to stay at our house:

First off, thank you for not being thieves. I fell in love with you people, and I don't bandy that word about willy-nilly. You crazy kids had me at:
"Tomorrow morning, we're going to the taxidermy store David Sedaris goes to. Wanna come?"

You seduced me with:
"Yeah, I have no problem taking a trip just to get some good butter."

But you really sealed our love when, in my favorite French restaurant, you pulled up your sleeve and said:
"This is my tattoo of a scary-ass virgin mary, but instead of having a real head, she's got a house with a face built in. Also, she's all pissed off and got these crazy, spikey teeth where the garage door goes. I hope there aren't any Catholics around."


~C to the izzo~

Letter #3:
Dear cleaning lady who pours bleach on our steps for no discernable reason:

Sorry you don't have any teeth.




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