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Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Sauce-covered Sass

Photo by C. Mattera

Last night, the boyfriend and I were hungry, as is usually the case in my apartment. We wanted something trashy, something fatty and delicious and smothered in sauce. So we looked in our trusty guidebooks and voila, there is was, Haynes American-style Barbecue Restaurant, featuring soul food and honey fried chicken. We were there.

We got to the restaurant and settled down at our table, looking at all the American musicians and celebrities who had once enjoyed the same barbecue we were about to enjoy. Seated between a small piano in the corner and an autographed picture of Louis Armstrong on the wall, we settled in for a relaxing, sauce-covered meal. The table beside us got up and as the gayest man I've ever seen in my life took the stage, you could see a gleam of determination appear behind his fashion glasses as if he was thinking:

"Jaime, you can go up there, sing some of that Ella Fitzgerald shit they want you to sing...or you can take your sassy ass up there and ROCK Hayne's America-style Barbecue Restaurant in a way that no American-style barbecue restaurant in Paris has ever been rocked before!"

And rock he did.

He didn't just sing an off key version of the entire soundtrack from Chicago...he became an off key version of the entire soundtrack from Chicago, complete with monologues and sexual innuendos. You have to respect someone who does not let the fact that they're a 6'2" man stop them from touching their own phantom breasts. There was crowd-pointing. There was tap dancing. At one point, he came off of his 1X1 pedestal and into the audience. Combined with ribs, it was everything I could ever want in terms of trashy and sauce-covered.

"Don't you feel embarassed for him?" the boyfriend asked.

"Nope, I feel embarassed for people who go to their jobs every day and never feel anything but emptiness and self-loathing."

And as Liza Minelli high kicked his way through "New York, New York," I knew, from the bottom of my soul, that Paris truly is the city of love.


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